Showing Pink

So - I was a pink lady. I wore a pink jacket, a pink neck-scarf and had another neck scarf tied around my head (I mustn't have looked enough of a tit without it). My lovely wife's works do was a great night out. Over the last 4 years, I've got to know a lot of the people she works with and they are mostly all so lovely.

Friday night was the last of her works' functions due to re-location, so it was a sad occasion. Well - it was for me. In their flourishes of youth, they really didn't seem that arsed that it was the last one. Maybe I reminisce too much. I often wonder if I am alone in harking back to my childhood and remembering it with such affection. Maybe in years to come, my wife's friends will look back and remember the many social occasions that they attended with fondness. Right now, they are too busy with the whole sex'n'drugs'rock'n'roll thing.

Speaking of reminiscing, my formative years as a child were spent roaming the highways and byways of Skelmersdale New Town. I remember it being all green and open, interspersed with council estates, but generally a nice place to grow up. Being realistic, it probably wasn't that good. Parts of Skelmersdale are a bit of a shit hole these days, but I remember them in a totally different light. They probably were a shit hole back then, too, but it was where I grew up. It was where my friends were, and as such, it will always be a special place to me.

You know pensioners who drive, well - when should they stop? You can drive in the UK for as long as your health allows you to, but is that really the safest thing? Research shows that drivers over the age of 55 are, on average, 22% slower to react than 30 year old drivers. Imagine how much that decreases with drivers aged 70 and over. Old drivers panic too much, and generally seem to be intimidated, and sometimes, they look like they are petrified when on the road. I think that once you reach a certain age you should have to prove that you still have the ability to react quickly and safely in certain situations. The test wouldn't necessarily have to take place behind the wheel. They could be made to watch a video and press buttons when certain events occur.

I have done over 200 "tweets" on twitter now, and I still love it. www.twitter.com/adum is me. I have tweeted at comedy Dave from the Chris Moyles breakfast show on Radio1 this evening, and at the lovely Lily Rose Allen. Neither of them responded to me, but I love the fact that my comments have appeared on their computer screens. It makes me feel artificially important.

Christian O'Connell is on Absolute Radio now, which signifies I have just one hour left, and my god I'm ready for some time off. I can't wait to get home, and have a proper cup of tea (rather than the bizarre fluid served by our machine in work), some crunchy nutty corn flakes, and maybe a bacon on toast chaser! I'm working 4 nights in a row from Friday - right over the Easter weekend. Sorry Jesus (and Debbie, of course). However, due to the T's and C's of my contract, I get paid an enhanced rate of overtime for working over Easter, so the eggs are on me!

I was very very pleased with the football results yesterday. Our 4-0 win over Wigan was superb, but Man United knocking them horrible scousers off the top of the table was the cherry on the cake. A commentator on sultana after the Liverpool game on Saturday said that their win over Fulham put them "temporarily at the top of the table". That amused me.

One more thing before I stop typing. In work, lots of the people with varying levels of physical ability have special chairs upon which they attach signs imploring people not to adjust them, etc. One I saw yesterday read "Do not remove or adjust Audrey Bridson". The lack of full stop really made me chuckle.

Yours, trying to decide if i'm a human or a dancer......

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I have just got back from a quick trip into Wigan to get my lovely wife's glasses repaired. She left them on a table within reach of our son, and he "modified" them. Specsavers appear to have got them back into a shape that resembles a pair of spectacles, so we shall wait and see how long they last.

Whilst in Wigan, I saw an old lady. I say old, she was at best late 50's, more like early 60's. She had a very sheer blouse on, which, wrongly, i know, drew my attention to it. Furthermore, her bra was also equally sheer, and inside it, I could see a big dark nipple. Normally, this sort of event would be cause for celebration, but today, I just feel dirty and upset by what I saw.

I need to have a shave, but my neck still hasn't recovered from the last shave I had. More often than not my neck goes a little red after a shave, but this time, it has become most upset. I'll see how it is tomorrow.

I have gone a bit twitter crazy of late. I signed up at the end of last year, and as each day passes, I'm becoming more and more addicted to it. It shouldn't be so addictive, but somehow - it is. Come folla me now at www.twitter.com/adum . I recently started following Lily Rose Allen. Well happy with that. I've also had brief "conversations" (if you can call them that on twitter) with Mike Toolan (a local radio DJ from Manchesterville), and Geoff Lloyd (a national radio dj from Mattlesfield). Whilst both of these things are entirely irrelevant, they both made me feel good. (Such a tit). It's almost like it's because I see that they both have elevated positions in society, and I have somehow talked them into taking a few seconds out of their lives to type at me.

My god Mr Tumble gets on my tits. He is so bloody patronising towards children. Grrrr.

Right, last night in work, we were watching VH1 Classic. FANtastic music tv channel, BUT - half way through the amazing work that is West End Girls, by the Pet Shop Boys, it chopped it. We had a few seconds of a black screen, and then Eagle Eye bloody Cheery came on. Furious doesn't come close to it.

As I type, my son is sat next to me (watching mr pissing tumble), and stroking my face. It is beautiful. He just put his finger inside my ear. I take it back.

My other children are coming to stay with us tomorrow night until Saturday. I am very much looking forward to this as I miss them blummin loads.

Man United are on TV tonight, so that ties in well with my desire to have a beer. I'm sure my lovely wife will be up for that, too. She is creating a pork stir fry thing for us tonight. I was left instructions to begin the marinade process at 4pm exactly. It was 4:03 when I did it. Hope I haven't ruined the meal.

Ooohh - I just discovered (by accident) that my middle mouse scrolly button thing scrolls through the open tabs in my browser. I like that a lot! (in a sad wankery way).

Now - I must go and attempt to re-discover my living room floor. I know its underneath these toys and books somewhere.....