Game Over

Well - that's it.  My "work" is complete, work-wise, for 2008.

I finished at 7am this morning and am not back in until sometime in January.  Not exactly sure of the date, all i know is - it's not tomorrow.

I have just been playing a game of yes / no with my 19 month old son.  Thinking about it - it's not really a game. I say yes to him, and he says no to me.  Continue like that for 10 minutes or so, and that's it!  It's a lovely way to spend 10 minutes, though.

Good to see Everton continue to climb the table, with a nice 3-0 win against Sunderland yesterday.  God bless Mikel Arteta.

This morning, before leaving work, I installed a new browser on my laptop.  I am a long-term user of Firefox, but I have decided to give Flock a go.  I based my decision on my addiction to Facebook, and my new-found love of blogging and digging.  I am even partial to the odd twitter every now and again.  I'm not 100% convinced it's lovely just yet.  I think i'll get there with it, though.  I need to give it a bit of time, and get used to the way it works and tells me things.

I am taking some presents back today that I bought for my lovely wife.  I think i might be THE most forgetful person ever to walk god's green earth.  I bought presents that I'd already told other people to buy for her.  I know how I end up doing it.  I panic.  I went shopping on the 24th, having convinced myself that she didnt' have enough gifts, and panic-bought.  Of the 3 things I got for her, 2 were duplicates.  Knob-head.  I must buy her gifts in good time next year.  I won't - but i'll want to.

Right then.  I'd best be off.  If I don't get moving now - i'll end up staying in all day, and my son needs milk, so that simply won't do.

Nobody reads my blog.  It's so strange because I know nobody reads it, yet I still feel compelled to update it daily.  I haven't told a soul I do this.  It's not like it's some sort of twisted second-life I'm hiding from people.  I don't secretly dress up as a woman or anything.  I just keep (what I like to think of as..) an online diary.  In my head, if all my family and friends knew about this, and read it, I don't think i'd put half the stuff on here that I have.  It's a release for me.  Oh wait - that sounds Iike I normally hold stuff back, and I don't think I do.

I've confused myself now.

I heard this time of year described as the perineum between Christmas and New Year.  I like that.  It made me laugh.

I will, at some point, be back.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Missing Days

I'm nearing the end of a 12 hour night shift and the lady on Absolute Radio has just told me it's Sunday. It's Monday in my head. I'm confused.

I've eaten too much overnight. I had a meal at home before coming in, then we've shared a large pack of crisps, plus I was given some garlic bread. I'm stuffed.

I'll update this properly later on (hopefully).

I never did make it up Winter Hill yesterday, by the way. I (we) did walk along the canal tow path near my house, and saw some extremely drunken youths. It was no later than 11am, by the way. What time must they have started drinking??! As I got closer to them, one of them decided that he was going to jump in the canal. He would surely have met his maker within seconds, had his "friends" not talked him out of it. As he started to strip to make his jump, I felt in my pocket to make sure I had my mobile with me, thinking I was going to have to co-ordinate all the emergency services to fish this foolish individual out of the canal.

I realised yesterday that I'm not seeing my children until the 31st December. I thought it was the 30th. I'm disappointed about that. My wife and I are going to go shopping on the 30th, and spend some money that was gifted at Christmas.

This is the first time I've updated my blog in work, and I'm well nervous. Don't know why.

I'm growing a beard in January. A great big mans beard. None of this goatee crap. I want a David Bellamy. No particular reason behind it. I've always wanted to grow one, and my beautiful wife has said that she doesn't mind, so i'll give it a whirl!

Enough for now...

So that was Christmas...

...and what have you done?

Me? I had a lovely Christmas day with my wife's family. My son, and my nephew had a great time playing with the boxes and wrapping paper that their presents came in. I got all sorts of nice presents, including.... a torch.

I am 34 years old, and (until now) don't have a torch of my own. Every time I have anticipated darkness, but have had a need to see in the darkness, I have had to borrow a torch from a friend or family member. That is a very sorry state of affairs in this day and age. But now - all has changed. I have a super shiny torch that has a beam visible for 1 mile. I am very happy indeed with my torch.

I am writing this entry on a very cold and crisp Saturday morning. I was up early today to perform the manly duty of defrosting my wife's car, so she can travel to work safely. I heard some bloke talking on a BBC Radio Lancashire podcast recently, about how using de-icer sprays on your car can erode the rubber seals around the car's windows, so I decided to heed his warning. I sat for 10 minutes in the car, with the heater on, and I can report back to you now that it is crap. Use de-icer instead - it works.

At the start of the Christmas day meal, I was presented with a lovely looking piece of beef and asked to carve it. I can honestly say, it's been years since I was so nervous. I went from feeling festive and jovial to worried sick in less than a second. I found myself having developed a lack of my ability to pass a knife through a piece of meat. What a tit. I need to learn to do that with confidence, as I am sure in years to come, when my own children come to our house for Christmas lunch, it will be me that does the carving.

Whilst my wife is in work this morning, (and when my sleepy 19 month old son eventually wakes up) my son and I are going out for a walk. Well - I'll be doing the walking and he will be in this baby carrier back-pack thingy that I have. If i let him do the walking, too, it would take us a whole day to go to the end of the street. Bless him, but at that age they are very easily distracted.

Anyway - back to the walk. I am planning to drive up to Winter Hill, between Horwich and Belmont. Park up, and walk up to the transmitters at the top. I will take the camera with me, and will hopefully get some nice photographs from up there, which (if i can be arsed), I will post to this very blog later today.

My dad never took photographs with a camera. He took snaps. Maybe he was the only one to take snaps, and to look at snaps, I don't know. I miss that word being used in that context. I miss him - and mum. I don't think I've told you about them yet? My mum died of cancer in 1987, and my dad died due to cirrhosis of the liver in 1998.

Obviously I miss them most days, but at times like this, it is much worse. You would think that after so long, I should have got over it, but I don't think you ever do get over these things. I think you always grieve for loved ones that you have lost, but in time, you learn to cope with, and live with the grief. The one thing that always surprises me is the way I deal with other people's grief. If a close friend loses someone close to them, I never get upset. I feel absolutely awful for them, but, I feel - numb. Numb is the only word I can find to describe the feeling. Now - is that because I am (to quote Alison Moyet) all cried out, or have my emotions adapted to block that feeling out? I don't know, but I always have to explain to people that I do feel for them, and to not misunderstand my apparent lack of emotion.

I am thirsty now, so I think I will go and prepare my first cup of tea of the day. I'm not a big tea drinker. I go through phases. Some days, I'll have none, others - I'll go mental and have 3, maybe 4. Living on the edge, I know(!)

Speaking of living on the edge, I was in bed by 10:30pm on Christmas night. I can't wait for my life to begin at 40.

Thanks to my wife and her family for an excellent Christmas. I hope we spend many more together in the future.

There goes my cherry

So - this is it. My blogging cherry is well and truly popped.

Like most people, I've been reading blogs for the last few years. Some are pretty throwaway, others I have become more engrossed in. I feel like I have gotten to know a mancunian lesbian who blogs about every aspect of her life, most recently including the break up of her long term relationship. I really feel for her.

I have bookmarked another blog called PostSecret. I urge you to do the same. One read through the weekly updated scans of anonymous postcards will have you hooked, or will at very least make you stop and think.

A blog needs a purpose. The purpose of mine is to sound off. I work odd shifts, and my wife mostly works opposite shifts to mine, so there are times when I don't have anyone to sound off to. That is about to change.

A lot of people know me, but not very many of them at all actually know me. A few do, I admit that, but I am essentially a very private person who doesn't like to give too much away. I don't really know why - maybe it's a fear of being mocked or ridiculed for my thoughts and feelings. I'm shy, you see. But the majority of the people mentioned above who "know me", don't know that.

It's Christmas eve 2008. My wife and 1 year old son are in bed as they are unwell. Always seems to be the same at this time of year. I have 4 other children from my 1st marriage. They are spending Christmas day with their mother, but will be with us for New Years Eve. Sacrifices have to be made.

Tomorrow, we travel south to spend the day (and over-night) with my wife's family. My father-in-law has had a rough time of things recently, having been diagnosed with cancer. I am not going to go into details on here about it, but, thankfully, he'll be at home with us tomorrow.

If there ever is such a thing as a regular reader of this, you will become used to me flitting and changing subject regularly and with no particular direction. I think that that accurately reflects what goes on inside my head!

I went shopping a couple of days ago to ensure plentiful supplies of food and drink over Christmas. Only today did I realised that I hadn't got any champagne or smoked salmon for Christmas morning. It's a little extravagant, I know, but - it's once a year and it really is a lovely way to start a very special day. It sets you up just nicely for all the wonderful things that are to follow. Anyway, I ventured to my local ASDA Wal-Mart (it's a biggun) at lunchtime, and.... it was ok! They didn't have any smoked salmon, which was disappointing, but I got the champagne. Give them their due, they had every single checkout manned, and I even found an empty one! I could hardly believe it.

I've just entered a competition on TV to win over £26,000 worth of "gadgets". It has cost me £1.50, but I can totally justify that in my head. I never ever enter these things, but I am a firm believer in the fact that someone has to win!

For now, I will leave it there. I wish you and yours all the best for Christmas.