...and what have you done?
Me? I had a lovely Christmas day with my wife's family. My son, and my nephew had a great time playing with the boxes and wrapping paper that their presents came in. I got all sorts of nice presents, including.... a torch.
I am 34 years old, and (until now) don't have a torch of my own. Every time I have anticipated darkness, but have had a need to see in the darkness, I have had to borrow a torch from a friend or family member. That is a very sorry state of affairs in this day and age. But now - all has changed. I have a super shiny torch that has a beam visible for 1 mile. I am very happy indeed with my torch.
I am writing this entry on a very cold and crisp Saturday morning. I was up early today to perform the manly duty of defrosting my wife's car, so she can travel to work safely. I heard some bloke talking on a BBC Radio Lancashire podcast recently, about how using de-icer sprays on your car can erode the rubber seals around the car's windows, so I decided to heed his warning. I sat for 10 minutes in the car, with the heater on, and I can report back to you now that it is crap. Use de-icer instead - it works.
At the start of the Christmas day meal, I was presented with a lovely looking piece of beef and asked to carve it. I can honestly say, it's been years since I was so nervous. I went from feeling festive and jovial to worried sick in less than a second. I found myself having developed a lack of my ability to pass a knife through a piece of meat. What a tit. I need to learn to do that with confidence, as I am sure in years to come, when my own children come to our house for Christmas lunch, it will be me that does the carving.
Whilst my wife is in work this morning, (and when my sleepy 19 month old son eventually wakes up) my son and I are going out for a walk. Well - I'll be doing the walking and he will be in this baby carrier back-pack thingy that I have. If i let him do the walking, too, it would take us a whole day to go to the end of the street. Bless him, but at that age they are very easily distracted.
Anyway - back to the walk. I am planning to drive up to Winter Hill, between Horwich and Belmont. Park up, and walk up to the transmitters at the top. I will take the camera with me, and will hopefully get some nice photographs from up there, which (if i can be arsed), I will post to this very blog later today.
My dad never took photographs with a camera. He took snaps. Maybe he was the only one to take snaps, and to look at snaps, I don't know. I miss that word being used in that context. I miss him - and mum. I don't think I've told you about them yet? My mum died of cancer in 1987, and my dad died due to cirrhosis of the liver in 1998.
Obviously I miss them most days, but at times like this, it is much worse. You would think that after so long, I should have got over it, but I don't think you ever do get over these things. I think you always grieve for loved ones that you have lost, but in time, you learn to cope with, and live with the grief. The one thing that always surprises me is the way I deal with other people's grief. If a close friend loses someone close to them, I never get upset. I feel absolutely awful for them, but, I feel - numb. Numb is the only word I can find to describe the feeling. Now - is that because I am (to quote Alison Moyet) all cried out, or have my emotions adapted to block that feeling out? I don't know, but I always have to explain to people that I do feel for them, and to not misunderstand my apparent lack of emotion.
I am thirsty now, so I think I will go and prepare my first cup of tea of the day. I'm not a big tea drinker. I go through phases. Some days, I'll have none, others - I'll go mental and have 3, maybe 4. Living on the edge, I know(!)
Speaking of living on the edge, I was in bed by 10:30pm on Christmas night. I can't wait for my life to begin at 40.
Thanks to my wife and her family for an excellent Christmas. I hope we spend many more together in the future.
