Sunday, 13 February 2011



Time for me to start self analysing again.  Today's vulnerability that I shall be examining is what I think is a relatively new facet of my personality - selfishness.  I might be wrong, but I don't think I've ever been particularly selfish in years gone by.  However, of late, I've found myself thinking that I have behaved in a selfish way.  I hate myself for being that way.

I have just done a quick search for selfishness, and someone's blog came up in the results.  I read it, and found it very interesting.  The blog lists seven characteristics that make up a good relationship, and here they are:-

1. Both sides see the relationship as an opportunity to give
One of the basic relationship problems is selfishness. How does selfishness occur? In my opinion,selfishness occurs when someone focuses more on getting rather than giving. The more someone focuses on getting, the more selfish he or she becomes. That’s why the willingness to give is essential for good relationships. Both parties should see the relationship as an opportunity to give. This is the foundation upon which the other points below are built.
2. Both sides are willing to change
Nobody is perfect but everyone can grow. In a good relationship, both sides are willing to change. They realize that they are not perfect and there is still a lot of room for improvement. Instead of blaming their partner when something goes wrong, they look inside to see if there is something they can change. When both sides have this attitude, the relationship grows stronger and stronger.
3. Both sides are willing to admit mistakes
In a good relationship, both parties aren’t afraid to admit mistakes. Instead of being defensive, they openly admit the mistakes they make. They can then work together to correct the mistakes. This, of course, is not easy to do. It takes a humble heart to admit mistakes.
4. Both sides are willing to listen first
In a good relationship, both sides are good listeners. They are willing to understand their partner’s position first before trying to get understood. Doing this is much easier when both sides see the relationship as an opportunity to give (characteristic #1).
5. Both sides support each other
Not only are both sides willing to listen, but also they give what their partner needs. The law of reciprocity states that when we do good to others they will also do good to us. We reap what we sow. By supporting each other, both sides in the relationship get what they need.
6. Both sides are open to each other
Misunderstanding is one of the basic relationship problems. That’s why it’s essential that both sides are open to each other. When they have something they don’t like about their partner, they should communicate it rather than just keeping it in their heart. Of course, they should do so in a respectful way so as not to offend their partner.
7. Both sides have integrity
In a good relationship, both parties act in line with what they think and say. They keep their promises. This is important because they can then trust each other. This trust makes the relationship strong.

So there you go - that's the key to a good, healthy relationship right there. I might get it tattooed on the inside of my eyelids. I wish it was that easy to simply find a list of all encompassing instructions that you could follow to live a happy, healthy life to its fullest potential.

You know what, though - I'm getting tired of my own blog entries at the moment. I'm always coming on here full of either fury or regret. I totally need to get a grip and take a long hard look at what I have in my life. A genuinely stunning wife, who is my best friend. Beautiful children who bring me such pleasure I can't begin to find the words. A job that I enjoy doing (even though it makes me excessively tired), and the love of my family. I am very very lucky, and I really want to be positive in life using the seven characteristics listed above to make my life, and that of my family, better.

I am going to use this opportunity to make a commitment to do something. This commitment is to myself, but publishing on here should give me the impetus to actually do it, instead of it staying in my head on the list of "Things I'd Like To Do". I weigh 14 stones, and I want to weigh 13. I am going to exercise regularly in order to lose 1 stone. It feels good to type this. I look forward to waving goodbye to the extra stone.

I'm off to drink caffeine and research exercises.

Take care of yourself, and be happy! Smile at a stranger, and when one smiles back at you - enjoy the feeling.