Be Honest. Life does not reward someone who is deceitful. If something has gone wrong, confess. It doesn't always pay to try and cover it up and hide it.
The party we went to in Derby was quite fantastic. From the moment we arrived, I knew it was going to be special. My lovely wife looked at least 7 times more lovely than is usual, and I looked "alright". I did have to get help from several people in putting my clothing together, however.
My lovely wife assisted by securing the loan of a dinner suit from my brother in law, and she then went and bought me the dickie bow and dress shirt from M&S. Then when we arrived at Derby, the male host of the party helped me tie the dickie bow. I had spent about an hour studying
various help guides on youtube to assist me, but it was all to no avail.
So - here we are!
But then - then, the girls appeared. The girls with the bottomless bottles of champagne. Then they offered an assortment of amazing canapes. Then we were encouraged to visit the cocktail bar that had been set up in the house, and that - that is where things started getting a bit hazy.
I think I tried at least one of every cocktail on the menu, and I settled on one (who's name escapes me), which was particularly splendid. It is fair to say I drank it to excess. I have hazy memories of my lovely wife exposing her knickers, and me touching a lady's bottom (with
permission from her husband). Only the next day did the stories of my real escapades come out.
I am struggling to recall the majority of the 5 hour period from 11pm to approximately 4am. I was told that I had exposed myself. One of the other guests told the female party host that she had seen
me walking about with the little fella hanging out. How classy is that? I am fairly confident that I can explain how it happened.My lovely wife and I had befriended another couple, Dawn and Glen, and (somehow) the topic of underwear came about. Deb mentioned how I didn't have any on and someone said I don't believe you. So I dropped my trousers. Now then - I can only assume that I didn't zip myself back up properly, and that - is how the little fella came to be exposed.
I also managed to lose "my" dinner jacket, which later turned up at Glen's house, so at least it was located and is now on it's way back to Lisa and James'. So - yeah - an "entertaining" night!
I have just attempted to assassinate a wasp. Where I work we get a lorra lorra wazzies coming in at this time of year, and they are little frickers. They want noth
ing more than to sting us for no reason whatsoever. I saw one flying nearby so took a rather good swipe at it with an A5 notepad. However, I flicked it onto Alan's food. I was just trying to protect us from the evil that is the Skem wasp.So yeah - having secrets or being dishonest is rubbish. It just makes you well stressed because you're constantly having to cover your tracks and remembering who you've told (because you will - you will confide in people just to ease the burden of guilt), and remembering who you haven't told.
Just don't do it, kids. Life life - love it, and be nice.
I want an ice cream.
