Something odd happens when I'm on a night shift. I almost always feel lonely. I think it's because more often than not, I have time to reflect, and that leads on to melancholic thoughts of my happy childhood and that in turn leads on to those who shaped and formed the person I am now - but are no longer with us.
I've just spent the last thirty minutes on Google Earth finding all the places that were special to me as a child. My nans' houses in Bootle and Huyton. The flat I used to live in with Mum and Dad in Bootle, and a park I was taken to by Mum as a child.
Looking at all these images made me feel really detached. Is that the right word? I'm not sure. Let me try again. I felt homesick. Which is odd because it's been 30 years since I lived in Bootle and even then I was only there for the first 5 years of my life. I think rather than homesick for Bootle, I miss the people that living there represents to me. Mum and Dad, obviously, but both of my nan's too. I looked at Dad's mum's house and remembered playing in the garden there. My first taste of Lilt was at that house, too. Dad's sister Rita (deceased) gave it to me.
I looked at the images of Mum's Mum's house in Huyton and I could smell the roast dinner. She had the smallest kitchen, but was perfectly adept at catering for 15 people without breaking into a sweat.
Bloody nights.
And now, I am missing my wife and children loads, too. Deb and Luke are coming home from two nights at her mums tomorrow and I can't wait to see them. My other children, I will see on Friday. I spoke to Rob and Charlotte this evening online, and they both told me they really missed me. I filled up. If only they knew that however much they miss me, I miss them so much more. I told Charlotte that we'd spend the weekend hugging each other. She was happy with that.
Abbey won't be joining us this weekend as it's her thirteenth birthday and her mum is taking her out shopping. I have arranged to take her out for tea on Friday when I go to Wales to collect the other 3. I'm looking forward to that.
I'd best go and do some work. Loads of stuff has failed whilst I've been writing this.
Easy now.....
